Cheetos! Yasssss! Flamin’ Hot Cheetos! Even BETTER!

Flamin' Hot Cheetos Coma
A portrait of the artist at rest. This character was based off of me. True story!

Hey, everybody! Iggy Here!

Have I got some great news. In perhaps the BEST news since we first heard Kathleen Kennedy was going to be in charge of remaking the Star Wars Universe into something more inclusive, millennial, and AWESOME, news has JUST BROKEN about an upcoming Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Movie that is sure to be the BLOCKBUSTER HIT of 2019!

Cheetos Pizza
There is Nothing That Says Wednesday Morning Snack To Me Like a Delicious Cheetos ‘n’ Cheese Pizza!

I first thought this might be a movie about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on an epic quest to restore the flame or find Chester Cheetah or something, which would have been awesome. But apparently it’s about the guy who invented them at the Cheeto-Lay Factory back in the 1890s or something. Back then, they were invented by Hauling Them Rathtars‘s uncle. True story! And Good for him!

His name is Richard Montañez and you killed my father, prepare to die. Whoops! Different totally classic movie. No, his name is Richard Montañez and he invented Flamin’ Hot Cheetos while working as a custodial engineer at the Cheeto-Lay factory!

It would have been cool if it had been about Chester Cheeto with a light saber battling Pringles or something like this but this is good too.

I can’t wait and I know you can’t either. But while you wait, why don’t you make yourself some delicious Cheetos Cookies and send me some. And then maybe make yourself some awesome crunchy caramel Cheetos and send me some of those!

Oh my god you guys these cookies are so good. Especially after, you know, recreational medications are consumed in abundance. You’ve gotta try them.

Wow! This article has made me hungry. The movie is being written by Lewis Colick who also wrote Charlie St. Cloud and October Sky, neither of which were about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. It’s based on Richard Montañez book, A Boy, a Burrito, and a Cookie, which I don’t know if there are Cheeto cookies in that book, but if there aren’t, there ought to be. Cheetos are so good.

I love Cheetos. Sometimes I dream about a world filled the Cheetos, and I eat them all. And that’s still not enough. That’s how much I love Cheetos.

Rest assured, King Geek will keep you updated on ALL the latest breaking news about this upcoming Oscar contender! This is now at the very TOP of my list of MOST ANTICIPATED movies of 2019!

Keep it FLAMIN’ Peeps!

King Geek, out!

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Ignatius Roeper lives with this parents in Akron, Ohio (but not in the basement!). His father owns Akron's premier curio and antique shop, Bongs and Hashpipes, while his mother works as a cocktail executive at the exclusive Club Platinum. Having taught himself to read with his father's collection of Richie Rich, Hot Stuff, and Little Lotta comic books by the age of two, his parents recognized his precociousness and soon introduced him to the many pleasures of R-rated cinema, knowing that even at such a tender age, he was mature enough to appreciate such adult entertainment. By the age of 12, he had amassed a collection of thousands of films for his Sony Betamax, and had a collection of over 10,000 comic books, many of them not Richie Rich or Little Lotta! As well, his collection of toys, action figures, maquettes, movie posters, and memorabilia had expanded so massively that they threatened to overwhelm their cozy home. According to Mr. Roeper's self-published autobiography, Iggy Knows It All, his matchless knowledge of all things film and entertainment quickly garnered him a reputation, and he often found himself being visited, and even consulted on script and movies, by numerous Hollywood professionals, who gave him the well-deserved title: King Geek. He flatly denies that the name was in fact given to him by his fellow students at Jennings Middle School as they punched him in the head and threw him in the dumpster after he'd brought his entire collection of Sailor Moon figurines to school as part of a "multimedia" report on the country of Japan. While he admits things have been a little difficult for King Geek since he lost his job at the Chapel Hill Mall Blockbuster video in 2002, he's finally found a home at FilmGoblin, and looks forward to once again telling aspiring geeks, and his loyal fans, what to think and how to feel about the movies and TV shows that bring us all together. And he totally does not live in the basement. He has both a room and an office on the 3rd floor of his parents' house. Take that, haters!