Star Wars Is Dying, My Liege

To paraphrase the great Arnold Schwarzenegger:

“The science is in, the facts are there that they have created, Lucasfilm has, a self-inflicted wound that Lucasfilm has created through poor management.”

Here’s a quick rundown:

  • The Last Jedi opened just 9% behind the first Star Wars movie in 16 years, then dropped 67.5% its second weekend and closed 34% behind The Force Awakens. Clearly, there was some poor word of mouth.
  • Solo fulfilled our predictions and bombed with $392 million worldwide versus at least a $250 million dollar budget, losing Lucasfilm/Disney an officially reported $80 million. It was really much, much more.
  • Bog Iger recently admitted that attendance at the Star Wars theme park, Galaxy’s Edge, was much lower than expected
  • Star Wars merch sales, which were down before The Last Jedi, have fallen into a fucking reactor shaft
  • Kids just aren’t buying into the 42-year-old franchise

That sure is a lot of damage caused by a small, vocal minority of man-babies.

We Tried To Warn You, Fanboys

We told you that The Last Jedi underperformed badly, we predicted Solo would bomb, we predicted Galaxy’s Edge would fail, we demonstrated for you through data analysis that no one likes these new characters.

Nevertheless, you persisted in supporting absolutely lazy, hack garbage-chute tier trash created by hollow, corporate yes-men and virtue-signaling dummies.

You did this! This is your handiwork:

When the trailer dropped for The Force Awakens interest was at a 6, when the trailer came out for The Last Jedi it was at 7, for The Rise of Skywalker it’s at 3. 

It’s over. As the kids and 45-year-old men on Twitter love to say: Star Wars is canceled. Moving on…

The Woke Gods Demand Sacrifice

Now that Lucasfilm is finished torturing and murdering Star Wars, it has settled on its next victim: the young adult novel Children Of Blood And Bone.

At first glance, the story looks pretty interesting, kind of like a Last Airbender or a Harry Potter set in Africa.

It’s Storm and Simba! What a badass crossover!

But then you read the review:

The Children of Blood and Bone is told from multiple points of view, as Inan and Amari, children of the iron-fisted king, and Zélie and Tzain, siblings who have suffered greatly under the king’s regime, find themselves on a dark, magic-filled quest for power. Their journey is accompanied by violence and betrayal, but friendship and even star-crossed love also play a part. Enriched with themes that resonate in today’s social and political landscape, The Children of Blood and Bone takes on injustice, discrimination, and a struggle for change.

Yep, there it is:

“…today’s social and political landscape…takes on injustice, discrimination, and a struggle for change.”

JFC, they wrote a #resist novel for kids. Which they released on March 8th, 2018, right after Black Panther hit theaters.

It’s all making sense now. I’m not going to get into what this is about, who this is aimed at, why the book is being lauded throughout the corporate media and Lucasfilm’s motivation behind choosing this IP to develop — all of you know those answers already.

Just take a look at the top customer review:

You live in the most diverse, tolerant and free culture in history! Rise up, box-wine moms!

By the way, if you are wondering what other franchise Lucasfilm killed, it’s Indiana Jones.