Look, Up in the Sky…

Word out of whatever tax-incentive friendly city that will be filling in for Gotham in The Batman is that production has been put on hold… for two weeks.

Men with bowties should not be allowed to operate. That’s not an opinion, but a fact.

Script rewrites?

Reshoots?

Recasts?

Reboots?

No, sadly.

Perhaps, even sadder is the real reason:

Robert Pattinson is having trouble putting on the requisite muscle needed to fill out the Bat-suit.

Why Two Weeks?

I don’t know but I can only assume it’s to adhere to a preset deadline requiring the caped crusader to actually appear in front of the camera caped and all.

Such a short timeframe, however, suggests assistance may be needed from beyond the counter.

Exhibit A

The name of this image is Robert-Pattinson-underwear-briefs-nude-bulge-slim-gay-teen-boy-pubes.jpg. Yes.

If you were thin, and/or didn’t do a lot of weightlifting in your youth, the fact is that the older you get, the harder it is to bulk up quickly.

Pattison is 33 and reportedly 6′ 1″ and weighs in a reported 165 pounds.

Exhibit B

It’s remarked that he doesn’t like to exercise, but Pattinson says, I didn’t when I was younger, but now as I have kind of gotten older, I’m slowly getting aware of aging. So I’m kind of like, “I got to put in some effort otherwise I’m going to get hip replacement.”

See the source image
Exhibit C

The problem may ultimately lie in the fact that they hired this waify douche who has made a career on the whole rent boy junky chic angle, and quite convincingly, I might add, instead of someone actually suited for the role beyond what some metric stroking focus group dictated to the studio heads.

Odds are we’ll never get any closer to the truth of this guy’s process because he’s been too well funded for too long to risk that investment.

That’s just how she goes sometimes folks…

Do Actors Actually Work Out To Get Them Bodies?

The answer all depends on who you ask, know, trust and believe.

It’s hard to make accurate blanket statements about any group of people, but celebrities using steroids, human growth hormones (HGH) and performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) have been both speculated and confirmed:

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger (everything)
  • Sylvester Stallone (beginning sometime during the Rocky series, according to his ex-wives anyway)
  • Dolph Lundgren
  • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
  • Mickey Rourke (on The Wrestler)
  • Charlie Sheen (on Major League)
  • Danny Bonaduce actually shot-up on camera
Not mentioned because there are no words.

Well, Is Anyone Actually For Real Around Here?

Christian Bale, Brad Pitt, Jason Statham, Tom Hardy, Mark Wahlberg, Gerard Butler, Chris Hemsworth, Jake Gyllenhaal (for Southpaw) and pretty much everyone with biceps veins and bullet nipples have all been suspected of usage, or have even denied usage, which can safely lead one to assume not all movie star buff is made entirely in the gym.

And if you think about it — why not?

There’s no testing agency that regulates Hollywood.

Contracts can have all the clauses the producers need to feel their investments are safe i.e. “drug-free” actors but it’s not like the Academy ever took away an Oscar for not genuinely pretending, you were genuinely pretending, to be something you weren’t.

I’m looking at you, Natalie Portman and your non-ballet dancing Oscar-winning for playing a ballerina ass.

I’d like to thank ruthless campaigning, a team of very clever editors and the general lack of dignity from everyone involved in this sham.

Anyway, given the chance to make a few million bucks for some chemically-assisted buffness who would say No?

Sure, there are legitimate gym folk who also like to act, but how many of those bodies do you see in current Hollywood unless it’s for a specific character?

Sure, it’s bad optics.

It hurts and actors credibility and ultimately affects whether or not we’ll dish out to see said stars movie.

It’s all about the illusion, baby.

And what’s the number one illusion in Hollywood? It’s that all stars age more gracefully than the average person.

Okay, sometimes not…

Nick Nolte has freely admitted he’s used HGH / steroids for anti-aging as have Oliver Stone and Dixie Carter.

A 2008 report linked Mary J. Blige to steroids alongside fellow musicians 50 Cent, Timbaland, Tyler Perry and the almost President of Haiti, Wyclef Jean.

Crazy stuff…

At least Ben Affleck had the decency to save his body from the ravages of anything but alcohol and used a body double for his role as Batman.

The Batman has a June 25, 2021 release and begins filming at the start of next year, with the cast also including Jeffrey Wright as Commissioner Gordon, Zoe Kravtiz as Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, Paul Dano as Riddler.