Hi! Iggy here! And guess what?
I Absolutely Refuse To See Black Panther
“WHAT?” I hear you asking!
“How can you, King of the Geeks — a man who has seen every Marvel movie dozens and even hundreds of times — say that you refuse to see Black Panther?”
The reason is simple. I am a white male, according to my scale a lot of white male, and I have no right to see this movie. Not right now. Not in this historical moment.
This is a moment that is meant for minorities, immigrants and especially African-American women and men. This isn’t a moment for the ancestors of their oppressors, like me.
And it would be wrong for me, as an obvious and very-difficult-to-miss Caucasian male, to crash the party and sully the experience of these enthusiastic minority audiences with my presence. I would be an unpleasant reminder of what my white ancestors stole from them, and the horrible things President Trump is doing now. And this is not a time for them to be thinking about the Racist-in-Chief, they should be dreaming of living in wonderful Wakanda!
Black Panther Is Sold Out Everywhere!
It would also be wrong for me to buy a ticket, when there might be some young African-American boy or girl going to see the movie, and I effectively steal that ticket from that person by purchasing it before them. It would be as if I were oppressing them all over again, and I won’t do that.
To be clear, if I had been invited to attend a critics screening by Marvel, or if one of the actors had thought to invite me to one of the openings — if I had been invited to the celebration — I would have, of course, gone.
In fact, if someone from the studio overnights me some tickets to Black Panther I will, of course, go. I mean, first I’ll look for some underprivileged minority children to give the tickets to, but when I don’t find any, I will definitely go. And then I will write a very thorough and almost-certainly glowing review of Black Panther! But only if I’m certain I’m not hurting any minorities by doing so.
So How Can We Tell If Its Good?
I know you guys were hoping to click on this link and read a fresh review from King Geek. And I wanted to give you one, I swear! But I cannot, not right now, because I have principles I just can’t compromise. So until someone sends me some free tickets (I need two, for medical reasons) I just can’t do it.
But what I can do is use Google. So let’s do a patented King Geek Deep Dive™ to see what the best critics that I 100% agree with are saying about Black Panther (Directed by the amazing Ryan Coogler and starring Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira, Forest Whitaker, Forence Kasumba and, unfortunately, a few white people like Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman).
Diving Deep Into The Justice
Rebecca Keegan, who is super-white, apparently got to see it. I hope that didn’t diminish the viewing experience for the minority patrons who deserved to be there. Anyway, she points out that it’s the first super-hero movie that has a REAL STORY, although she’s sort of vague as to whether she’s ever seen any other superhero movies. But I’m not going to disagree with a strong and powerful women. I don’t need any more trouble on that front!
Stunning visuals. Iconic performances. And A REAL FREAKING STORY about a wealthy nation confronting its role in the world. Black Panther has the goods. Also there’s a post-credits scene. Here’s the premiere crowd racing back to watch it. pic.twitter.com/EiS7z9xbA7
— Rebecca Keegan (@ThatRebecca) January 30, 2018
Erik Davis says it’s “dope AF”. I feel like he may be guilty of cultural appropriation here, and I hope he didn’t use a ticket that would have been better used by a underprivileged African-American. Still, he makes the movie sound GREAT!
#BlackPanther is exceptional – the James Bond of the MCU. You've seen nothing like this in a superhero movie – it's bold, beautiful & intense, but there's a depth & spiritualness that is unlike anything Marvel has ever done. It's 100% African & it is dope af. pic.twitter.com/Z77IjnIjf2
— ErikDavis (@ErikDavis) January 30, 2018
Adam B. Vary is like super-white. I mean, whiter than me, and I’m pretty Caucasian. And he says Black Panther explores “profound images of black excellence” which is an interesting phrase I wouldn’t feel comfortable using there, but I think it illustrates why Black Panther must be a better superhero movie that what has come before. Damn if they don’t have me excited!
BLACK PANTHER is just astonishing. Ryan Coogler has harnessed the superhero movie — and a really fun one! — to explore profound ideas and create vivid images of black excellence that so rarely ever make it to a giant Hollywood movie. Wow wow wow!
— Adam B. Vary (@adambvary) January 30, 2018
Jesse Joho says Black Panther will change the landscape of superhero movies forever. She’s also very Caucasian. Why are all these reviewers lily-white? I’m beginning to get a little uncomfortable here.
WOW. Black Panther will change the landscape of superhero movies forever. Expect and demand more from Hollywood. The stories its denied us for so long don’t just *deserve* to be told — they will save blockbusters from total irrelevance and creative bankruptcy.
— Jess Joho (@liongirl528) January 30, 2018
Whew! Finally found a qualified reviewer:
If you don’t understand the power of representation, imagine growing up never seeing a superhero who looks like you. When American Girl dolls came out I always picked Addy who had to escape slavery. But now kids have #BlackPanther’s Nakia, Shuri and Okoye. Dope on many levels.
— Natasha Alford ??✊????? (@NatashaSAlford) January 30, 2018
Her review points out the shameful lack of minority action figures before Black Panther.
While I don’t want to diminish her pain in any way, I too felt that pain when I was a child. I was a very rotund little boy and it was impossible to find action figures that accurately represented people of my girth. This is still too difficult, in my opinion, but this isn’t about me. Maybe one day!
Tre’vell Anderson reminds us that the entire world is run on the backs of black people, and Black Panther reminds us of that:
#BlackPanther is a love letter about blackness, to a world that often ghettoizes it without realizing that it is on black backs that this planet revolves.
This world’s livelihood is in our blood. pic.twitter.com/FscW1hWbI6
— Tre'vell Anderson (@TrevellAnderson) January 30, 2018
It’s true, too. Prove it to yourself: replace the word “black” with “white” in that Tweet and see how silly it sounds.
Honestly, I’ve never been more ashamed of my race than I am now, reading these comments from these thoughtful people. I’m ashamed of all white people that it took so long to get this level of African-America superhero movie made.
I Know Wakanda I’m Talking About
And before you start bitching in the comments, yes I know it’s not the first black superhero movie ever made! I’m King Geek! You know I remember Blade. And Spawn. And they are great movies but clearly no Black Panther. They also scrupulously avoided putting the word Black in their titles or having their characters obviously come from Africa. So, fine films, but without the profound message that Black Panther obviously has.
Boy, there are a lot more great reviews out there. Hopefully some of my assistant Goblins here will be providing more examples of the great and thoughtful praise being directed at this movie. Maybe some will even review it before I can! Although I hope they didn’t buy a ticket that might have gone to someone more deserving, and then neglected to tell me!
Black Panther Isn’t For White People
I’ll just finish with this thought that I think best explains why I am refusing to go see Black Panther. It’s not just because the studio didn’t invite me to a premiere or send me a free screener like they used to.
It’s because as white people, this movie doesn’t belong to us. It belongs to the minorities and especially the African-Americans who have suffered because of us.
And by us, I don’t mean film critics — I mean all white European-Americans.
It just makes me angry that Wakanda could have been real and we might all have flying cars and be living in a utopia right now, if not for colonialism. Colonialism by white people. As usual, HuffPo has the right take:
“Wakanda is an interesting look at where African nations could have been had it not been for colonialism, but the reality is that every African nation has been impacted by the negative legacy of colonial domination and this has hindered Africa’s development ever since.”
That’s right. Read that article, because it proves that Black Panther isn’t just the best superhero movie ever, it’s also the best history lesson white people all over the world need to be learning right now.
Man, I can’t wait until I can see this without oppressing anyone. If there is a showing where my attendance would be welcome and the studio would like my input, please send two tickets to Ignatius G. Roeper, c/o FilmGoblin.com. Thanks in advance!
Keep it chilly, Peeps!
King Geek out!