Hi! Iggy here! And guess what?

I Absolutely Refuse To See Black Panther

This Is Black Panther
Marvel Studios’ BLACK PANTHER. T’Challa/Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman). Photo: Matt Kennedy. ©Marvel Studios 2018

“WHAT?” I hear you asking!

“How can you, King of the Geeks — a man who has seen every Marvel movie dozens and even hundreds of times — say that you refuse to see Black Panther?”

The reason is simple. I am a white male, according to my scale a lot of white male, and I have no right to see this movie. Not right now. Not in this historical moment.

This is a moment that is meant for minorities, immigrants and especially African-American women and men. This isn’t a moment for the ancestors of their oppressors, like me.

And it would be wrong for me, as an obvious and very-difficult-to-miss Caucasian male, to crash the party and sully the experience of these enthusiastic minority audiences with my presence. I would be an unpleasant reminder of what my white ancestors stole from them, and the horrible things President Trump is doing now. And this is not a time for them to be thinking about the Racist-in-Chief, they should be dreaming of living in wonderful Wakanda!

Wakanda would be the best place to live, ever, because it’s all about justice and stuff and they won’t let anybody from the outside world into their wealthy, powerful country! If that’s not Utopia, I don’t know what is! Did I say Wakanda? I meant #Woke-anda!

Black Panther Is Sold Out Everywhere!

It would also be wrong for me to buy a ticket, when there might be some young African-American boy or girl going to see the movie, and I effectively steal that ticket from that person by purchasing it before them. It would be as if I were oppressing them all over again, and I won’t do that.

People who deserve to see Black Panther would be entirely right to be angry at me for crashing their party like Forrest Gump! Oh, Forrest. Won’t you ever learn?

To be clear, if I had been invited to attend a critics screening by Marvel, or if one of the actors had thought to invite me to one of the openings — if I had been invited to the celebration — I would have, of course, gone.

In fact, if someone from the studio overnights me some tickets to Black Panther I will, of course, go. I mean, first I’ll look for some underprivileged minority children to give the tickets to, but when I don’t find any, I will definitely go. And then I will write a very thorough and almost-certainly glowing review of Black Panther! But only if I’m certain I’m not hurting any minorities by doing so.

I will only go see Black Panther during its initial theater run if someone sends me free tickets or invites me to a free screening where I am guaranteed the tickets have not been stolen from a more-deserving minority. Because I have principles and believe in justice.

So How Can We Tell If Its Good?

I know you guys were hoping to click on this link and read a fresh review from King Geek. And I wanted to give you one, I swear! But I cannot, not right now, because I have principles I just can’t compromise. So until someone sends me some free tickets (I need two, for medical reasons) I just can’t do it.

But what I can do is use Google. So let’s do a patented King Geek Deep Dive™ to see what the best critics that I 100% agree with are saying about Black Panther (Directed by the amazing Ryan Coogler and starring Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, the beautiful Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira, Forest Whitaker, Forence Kasumba and, unfortunately, a few white people like Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman).

I can’t give you a review of Black Panther right now, but other people whose ancestors don’t have a history of oppressing and exploiting minorities can.

Diving Deep Into The Justice

Rebecca Keegan, who is super-white, apparently got to see it. I hope that didn’t diminish the viewing experience for the minority patrons who deserved to be there. Anyway, she points out that it’s the first super-hero movie that has a REAL STORY, although she’s sort of vague as to whether she’s ever seen any other superhero movies. But I’m not going to disagree with a strong and powerful women. I don’t need any more trouble on that front!

Erik Davis says it’s “dope AF”. I feel like he may be guilty of cultural appropriation here, and I hope he didn’t use a ticket that would have been better used by a underprivileged African-American. Still, he makes the movie sound GREAT!

Adam B. Vary is like super-white. I mean, whiter than me, and I’m pretty Caucasian. And he says Black Panther explores “profound images of black excellence” which is an interesting phrase I wouldn’t feel comfortable using there, but I think it illustrates why Black Panther must be a better superhero movie that what has come before. Damn if they don’t have me excited!

I Want To See Black Panther So Bad
I really wish someone would send me some non-exploitive free tickets so I could see Black Panther and give it a great review.

Jesse Joho says Black Panther will change the landscape of superhero movies forever. She’s also very Caucasian. Why are all these reviewers lily-white? I’m beginning to get a little uncomfortable here.

Whew! Finally found a qualified reviewer:

Her review points out the shameful lack of minority action figures before Black Panther.

While I don’t want to diminish her pain in any way, I too felt that pain when I was a child. I was a very rotund little boy and it was impossible to find action figures that accurately represented people of my girth. This is still too difficult, in my opinion, but this isn’t about me. Maybe one day!

As a child and even today it has been hard to find action figures that look like me. That is, full-figured!

Tre’vell Anderson reminds us that the entire world is run on the backs of black people, and Black Panther reminds us of that:

It’s true, too. Prove it to yourself: replace the word “black” with “white” in that Tweet and see how silly it sounds.

Honestly, I’ve never been more ashamed of my race than I am now, reading these comments from these thoughtful people. I’m ashamed of all white people that it took so long to get this level of African-America superhero movie made.

Wesley Snipes was the original Black Super Hero in Marvel Studio’s Blade: Dawn of Justice.

I Know Wakanda I’m Talking About

And before you start bitching in the comments, yes I know it’s not the first black superhero movie ever made! I’m King Geek! You know I remember Blade. And Spawn. And they are great movies but clearly no Black Panther. They also scrupulously avoided putting the word Black in their titles or having their characters obviously come from Africa. So, fine films, but without the profound message that Black Panther obviously has.

Boy, there are a lot more great reviews out there. Hopefully some of my assistant Goblins here will be providing more examples of the great and thoughtful praise being directed at this movie. Maybe some will even review it before I can! Although I hope they didn’t buy a ticket that might have gone to someone more deserving, and then neglected to tell me!

Black Panther Isn’t For White People

I totally get why these guys don’t think I should get to see Black Panther. And you know what? I agree with them! Unless someone sends me some tickets. I need two.

I’ll just finish with this thought that I think best explains why I am refusing to go see Black Panther. It’s not just because the studio didn’t invite me to a premiere or send me a free screener like they used to.

It’s because as white people, this movie doesn’t belong to us. It belongs to the minorities and especially the African-Americans who have suffered because of us.

And by us, I don’t mean film critics — I mean all white European-Americans.

It just makes me angry that Wakanda could have been real and we might all have flying cars and be living in a utopia right now, if not for colonialism. Colonialism by white people. As usual, HuffPo has the right take:

“Wakanda is an interesting look at where African nations could have been had it not been for colonialism, but the reality is that every African nation has been impacted by the negative legacy of colonial domination and this has hindered Africa’s development ever since.”

That’s right. Read that article, because it proves that Black Panther isn’t just the best superhero movie ever, it’s also the best history lesson white people all over the world need to be learning right now.

Man, I can’t wait until I can see this without oppressing anyone. If there is a showing where my attendance would be welcome and the studio would like my input, please send two tickets to Ignatius G. Roeper, c/o FilmGoblin.com. Thanks in advance!

Finally, make sure you check out Knitting Knerd’s delicious Black Panther Piri Piri on Tales from the Pantry! It sounds so delicious I wish she would send me some.

Keep it chilly, Peeps!

King Geek out!


Ignatius Roeper lives with this parents in Akron, Ohio (but not in the basement!). His father owns Akron's premier curio and antique shop, Bongs and Hashpipes, while his mother works as a cocktail executive at the exclusive Club Platinum. Having taught himself to read with his father's collection of Richie Rich, Hot Stuff, and Little Lotta comic books by the age of two, his parents recognized his precociousness and soon introduced him to the many pleasures of R-rated cinema, knowing that even at such a tender age, he was mature enough to appreciate such adult entertainment. By the age of 12, he had amassed a collection of thousands of films for his Sony Betamax, and had a collection of over 10,000 comic books, many of them not Richie Rich or Little Lotta! As well, his collection of toys, action figures, maquettes, movie posters, and memorabilia had expanded so massively that they threatened to overwhelm their cozy home. According to Mr. Roeper's self-published autobiography, Iggy Knows It All, his matchless knowledge of all things film and entertainment quickly garnered him a reputation, and he often found himself being visited, and even consulted on script and movies, by numerous Hollywood professionals, who gave him the well-deserved title: King Geek. He flatly denies that the name was in fact given to him by his fellow students at Jennings Middle School as they punched him in the head and threw him in the dumpster after he'd brought his entire collection of Sailor Moon figurines to school as part of a "multimedia" report on the country of Japan. While he admits things have been a little difficult for King Geek since he lost his job at the Chapel Hill Mall Blockbuster video in 2002, he's finally found a home at FilmGoblin, and looks forward to once again telling aspiring geeks, and his loyal fans, what to think and how to feel about the movies and TV shows that bring us all together. And he totally does not live in the basement. He has both a room and an office on the 3rd floor of his parents' house. Take that, haters!