My butt will be in that seat in December.

There is no reality where that doesn’t happen.

So don’t freak out, you like the same things other people like.

I might say bad things about Star Wars though, stay calm.

Remember how excited you were when you first saw this?

Things have been a real mess since Disney discovered how to rub Lucas’ nipples in the perfect sequence, causing gold coins to fly out of his belly button.


So… what saga?

I never got any satisfying action scenes or lines to quote!

I still haven’t had questions answered or characters developed from The Force Awakens

We Have A Solemn Duty To Ask Questions

Everything that was supposed to be great about more Star Wars movies is constantly hot-potato’d to the next movie.

Why Does The First Order Exist At All?

Don’t tell me something like “Bro, you have that many ships and control of the galaxy still… blowing up a Death Star doesn’t change that.”

I know, I saw that part of Robot Chicken too. That is conjecture. That’s not inferred anywhere in the new trilogy.

Why Is It Called The Resistance?

Shouldn’t they be the official military of the New Republic?

Is there still a Republic at all? 

I shouldn’t have to make up my own Star Wars history, I want official canon to be telling me what exactly what happened between episodes 6 and 7.

And then he just goes back to being bad again… 30 seconds later.

Who Was Snoke?

Is that going to get addressed at all?

He stands now as evidence of no plan for the series.

Here’s a big one, maybe they can band-aid this…

Why Is Rey So Powerful?

From a practical standpoint, just compared to Jedi from other movies, how is this possible?

She should have been the queen of Jakuu by the time she turned 10!

weird angle, her hand looks backward and her boobs appear attached to her back.

This isn’t the fault of The Force Awakens.

Maybe more backstory could have been connected, maybe treating Star Wars as less of a trope would have helped. 

JJ Abrams does what he does. He threw a bunch of cool ideas out there to get people talking and plenty of ways to fill out the story.

Then in The Last Jedi nothing happened.

Nothing happened!

They forget that a trilogy is only 3 movies! You can’t just skip one and do whatever. And that’s what that movie is, 2 hours of nothing.

9 people now in an escape pod have to defeat this. Do you think they’ll explain it?

So now The Rise of Skywalker has to be the longest Star Wars movie of all time to compensate. Its 155 minutes. Good grief, I’ll have my catheter ready.

So what if they pulled it off and The Rise of Skywalker turns out to have the most bomb-ass spectacular script of any Star Wars movie ever and ties it all together perfectly?

What are the chances of that happening? Let me know in the comments.