Yesterday, The Hollywood Reporter dropped an article where they ostensibly tried to intuit the title of Episode IX

The piece, “What Will ‘Star Wars: Episode IX’ Be Called?” by Richard Newby, is just an attempt to keep the Star Wars brand front and center in order to demonstrate their fealty to the Disney fiefdom of Lucasfilm.

After all, there is a quota!

Additionally, Mr. Newby tries to give cover to Lucasfilm’s creatively bankrupt approach to the franchise by nerdsplaining how they come up with their titles:

While the titles for the George Lucas-directed and -scripted Star Wars films were lovingly pulpy, the sequel trilogy has opted for more direct titles that home in on a central issue. The Force Awakens was pulled directly from Snoke’s line within the film — “There has been an awakening; have you felt it?” — while The Last Jedi is taken from The Force Awakens’ opening crawl.

Which is more likely? That Lucasfilm pulled the title from a line in the script or that the line in the script was injected to be a callback to the title they created?

With that in mind, it seems safe to assume that the title for Episode IX won’t come out of left-field, a la Attack of the Clones, and instead be taken from the opening crawl of the two prior films, or a line of dialogue. After mining The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi for clues, these are the titles we think the force is strong with.

Mr. Denby then goes on to name four titles based on his insight:

  • The Knights of Ren (From TFA, Supreme Leader Pegwarmer says, “Even the Knights of Ren have never faced such a test.”)
  • The Ashes of the Empire (TFA opening crawl: “… the sinister First Order has risen from the ashes of the Empire.”)
  • The Rising Tyranny (TLJ’s opening crawl: “Only General Leia Organa’s band of Resistance fighters stand against the rising tyranny…”)
  • The Spark Of Hope (TLJ’s opening crawl: “Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight.”)

Objection!

Let’s use some common sense and science here. You wub da sciwence, don’t you?

The two most popular, unique phrases or words from Star Wars — after “Star Wars” — are “The Force” and “Jedi”.

Do we think that it’s a coincidence the same studio who engages cynical checkbox casting would name the first two movies in the trilogy The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi?

What is the #3 most popular Star Wars term?

“The Empire”.

So clearly, given the desperation Lucasfilm finds itself in after the failure of the last two films, the title is going to be The Jedi Empire.

Or The Force Of Empire.

The Jedi & The Force

Wait! I got it!

The Forced Diversity Of The Female Empire.

Can’t wait for December 20th. 

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