Apple’s FOR ALL MANKIND Trailer Is Herlarious Scutter™

September 26, 2019

Not content with retconning history to conform to modern sensibilities, Hollywood is now altering the space-time continuum in order to give little girls someone they can look up to.

They call it an aspirational world.

Told through the lives of NASA astronauts, engineers and their families, For All Mankind presents an aspirational world where NASA and the space program remained a priority and a focal point of our hopes and dreams.

Sounds pretty mundane, huh? Well, you clearly don’t understand aspiring!

You Back? You Done Laughing?

It’s difficult being angry at anything right now, let alone angry enough to finish this article, because this shit has me howling.

Look, if you wanna make a world where they are only sending female astronauts into space you don’t need to jump in a wormhole and quantumly fuck up reality to do it!

Just give them a centuries-long, deep space mission and set it up the fempremacy by saying something about wombs and artificial insemination and psychological tests that show men and women can’t work together in long-term, high-stress situations.

So there is your all-female space crew. Make the twist be that a male baby is born.

Except Hollywood is too dumb and lazy.

So instead what they do is make a duplicate copy of all the tropes from the 1960s space program, right down to the pensive spouse, and just gender-swap it.

This isn’t alternative history, this is alternative gender history.

Can you imagine that pitch meeting?

Now imagine it’s Ronald D. Moore of Battlestar Galactica fame doing said pitch because that’s who it fucking was!

Data Shows Women Belong On Earth

I understand that ladies need a space thing where they can steal the male fantasy of explorations and adventure because women-stuff is dumb and boring, but this is a dangerous kind of aspiration.

One has to only look at the track record of women in space to realize that, in reality, it’s really not their thing:

Kalpana Chawla blew up on the Columbia.
Laurel Clark blew up on the Columbia.
Judith Resnik blew up on Challenger.
Christa McAuliffe blew up on Challenger.
The Lisa Nowak drove cross country in a diaper to assault her fellow female astronaut who was a rival for the romantic affections of a male astronaut.
Recently, Anne McClain committed the first space crime by spying on her wife from the International Space Station.

Anyone else noticing a pattern here?

When two female astronauts get together, bad shit seems to happen.