Here’s something we’ve never seen before. A young woman disregards her family’s traditions and beats up a bunch of men.

I guess this all makes sense because little girls literally have no heroes in the world to look up to. I wonder who would be behind this destruction of culture?

I Don’t Care About These Movies

I’ve never seen one of these Disney Animation films. I don’t see how a man without children would ever find himself watching them.

Don’t give me that horse shit about “date night”, the only thing a chick is going to be thinking after she sees one of these Disney princess movies is (a) how much you hold her back in life and (b) how she can probably take you in a fight.

Hell, she might try to get revenge, maybe try to kill you in your sleep or something.

Get yourself a dog that will always be faithful to you and get your back when vengeful females blame you for their failure to understand algebra. 

Thot shall not pass!

It’s a waste of time to take most girls to see movies, anyway. You’re basically sitting there in the dark not talking for two hours while she gets weird ideas put in her head that just inflate her already enormous ego.

Never give them time to think in your presence. 

It’s a much better tactic to keep them distracted and insecure by doing something they don’t know about: cooking, sports bar, batting cage, small engine repair, etc.

I get it if you’re married and you just want some peace and quiet for a couple of hours, that is completely understandable.

Secret Sauce

Movies are a great way to break up with an annoying chick without being the bad guy: just take her to see the bleakest, most depressing movie possible and then talk about how much you loved it, buy the soundtrack, get a t-shirt, etc.

Soon, she’ll be saying things like “You’re being really weird right now” and “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.” And that is a good thing.

She’s out the door and when she gossips about you, other women will also be gossiping about her — “she broke up with Troll because he liked Out Of The Furnace?”

She’ll come off as a picky kent, you’ll look like a really cool guy who just has an eclectic taste in movies, other ladies will be intrigued. Man and nature win!

So, fellas, if you are looking to pull the ripcord on your relationship without any drunken rage, ghosting, uncomfortable talks or tears, you really only have one choice: