I Love Cocaine

I love everything about it. 

I love the smell: that pungent kerosene aroma of floods me with visions of faraway jungle labs and South American soldiers in slouch hats.

I love its iridescent whiteness. Such a pure white will never be mistaken for drywall or a piece of Saltine cracker on your rug at seven o’clock in the morning.

I love what it does to women. Let’s leave that one right there. This is a family site.

Yes, she gets to be real hot. Her thighs steam.

I love how a quick chemical wash lets you continually ingest the white magic without the side effects and cravings associated with other stimulants — looking at you, meth.

Unfortunately, I don’t love the price.

If it were up to me, it should be completely legalized so consumers can purchase pure cocaine right at their local pharmacy.

Just like in the 1900s. 

That seems like a fair price for liquid cocaine. I wonder if you can put it in your eyes?

I mean, no one ever ripped a hogleg and wrecked into a family in a minivan, right?

Until our country comes to its senses about the beautiful coca plant, consumers will be at the mercy of ruthless international cartels, swarthy traffickers and street dealers that — more often than not — live in dangerous, minority neighborhoods.

Case in point, the new Amazon show ZeroZeroZero:

Based on the book of the same name by bestselling author Roberto Saviano, ZeroZeroZero is an unforgettable exploration of the inner workings of the global cocaine trade.

Check out the first trailer:

Fuck, I need to go to Columbia.

Here is another trailer from Sky:

It looks like the series will initially focus on one 5000-kilogram shipment going somewhere in Italy.

I wish it was coming to my house.

Until then we’re forced to continue to put money in the pockets of these criminals and take the chances that some son of bitch spiked our bag with fent.

Just remember your acetone, fellas. 

ZeroZeroZero drops on Amazon Prime on March 6, 2020.