We Should Hates This, Precious
This is corporate product at its worse. Not only is it Disney adapting another Disneyland ride as a movie, it actually looks like a damn theme park ride.
Nothing looks real! The city of London looks like a Playmobil town! The Rock’s outfit looks like CGI!
I’m puzzled myself. Is it the Bogey and Hepburn African Queen vibe? The Rock’s charisma? Emily Blunt’s charm? Maybe I’m getting soft.
Check it out for yourself:
What The Heck Is “The Backside Of Water?”
The best I can tell it’s an inside joke for Disney honks about a part of the Jungle Cruise Ride where your boat goes behind the Schweitzer Falls, thusly:
Disney people find this “the backside of water” to be hilariously funny.
For all you humans that live in reality and not in a mousefucking, princess-fairytale fantasy, there is an actual Schweitzer Falls, which looks a lot more fun.
Let’s check the YouTube comments:
- “Theaters in 2069: The Hall of Presidents: The Movie!”
- “Hmm I was expecting more of a period piece accent for the The Rock. He’s just playing himself. Little distracting.”
- “‘The Rock in the jungle’ must be a new genre of movie by now…”
- “I swear this b*tch better get his money and no “nO iTs oK” bc he ends up liking her or some other bs.”
- “I swear on all the John Wick movies that was Keanu Reaves at 2:08. Tell me that didn’t look like Keanu Reaves!”
Gradually I began to hate again…
Prediction
Since this movie is simply a Disney release and not associated with any Disney-owned studio like Marvel, Lucasfilm, Pixar, etc, critics will take the opportunity to to claw back some of their long-lost credibility by giving Jungle Cruise terrible reviews.
Disney’s Jungle Cruise opens in North American theaters on July 24, 2020.
