Ellen is not Funny. She Hasn’t Been For Years.
Striking yet another cultural blow for the “no-kids, no-husband, professional woman with endless disposable cash” demographic, HBOMax has announced that they have greenlit four shows with Ellen DeGeneres.
Now, I’m old enough to remember when Ellen was still pretending to like the company of heterosexual men in order to further her flagging career in stand-up and the movies, so I am clearly not the audience for this new turn.
I’ve also never watched minute one of her show.
Well, check that.
When my wife shares clips that have been shared with her via Facebook, then I am forced to scroll quickly past this woman and her clapping monkey audience.
Although, on last season’s episode Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (which didn’t wind up on the ‘book—funny about that) she was clearly pissed at Jerry during their interview for some reason:
Actually, “pissed” is too hard a term.
By the end of the interview (which you can’t find on YouTube other than the clips she showed on Ellen), she was “brittle” with Jerry.
That’s more accurate.
There’s An Audience For Her Genius HBOMax Needs
The fact is some people somewhere, watch Ellen on television during the day.
She pulls about 4.2+ million viewers per episode, according to syndicated daytime television ratings, making Ellen a highly viewed daytime show.
Now, I know that there are YouTubers who pull that many viewers/downloads for cat videos, so 4.2 million+ a day is not saying much.
However, HBOMax needs any sure port in a storm, considering that we may have hit peak streaming, what with Apple TV+, Disney +, WarnerMedia, and the established giants of Netflix and Amazon crowding counter at the streaming bar.
HBO Max is…Well, Who Knows What They’re Doing…
There are four shows HBOMax greenlit for Ellen they are as follows:
- Ellen’s Home Design Challenge – Basically a rip off of HGTV’s Chip and Joanna Gaines’ schtick.
- First Dates Hotel – A higher-end version of that scripted, never-ending Bachelor/Bachelorette crap I see trending on Twitter every time I go over there.
- Little Ellen – A 15 minute, 40 episode animated series designed to subtly make your kids buy-in to Ellen’s brand of “non-threatening SJW lesbianism” in the future as well as any other ideological constructs she may have about gender, sexuality, politics, etc.
- Finding Einstein – An attempt to rewrite the genius of Albert Einstein for the “modern” progressive era. We covered what the word “modern” really means here.
None of these shows interest me, you, or anyone else.
And they’ll be comfortably trapped in the ghetto of HBOMax along with Boondocks, Friends, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and a Gremlins reimagining.
But, maybe we’re wrong.
Maybe that abuse survivor and Presidential Medal of Honor winner, Ellen is just the talented visionary that HBOMax needs to get eyeballs on that platform.
Sound off below. What do you think?
