According to a recent Marvel press release, a quartet of animated series starring Marvel comic book characters are making their way to the small screen.

The line up includes the unlikely characters of M.O.D.O.K, Dazzler & Tigra, Howard The Duck and Hit-Monkey.

Yeah, that’s right… the giant floating head that became a reoccurring foe of Captain America is getting his own cartoon show. Let’s look at the details:

Marvel’s M.O.D.O.K.

M.O.D.O.K. or Mental/Mobile/Mechanized Organism Designed Only for Killing, a former employee of Advanced Idea Mechanics (AIM), an arms dealing organization specializing in futuristic weaponry, who undergoes experimentation designed to increase his intelligence.

Unfortunately, it also made his head very big.

Officially, Marvel’s M.O.D.O.K. is about:

An egomaniacal Super Villain with a really big head and a really little body, struggles to maintain control of his evil organization and his demanding family.

The show will be written by Patton Oswald, who also has a really little body and a big head.

Marvel’s Tigra & Dazzler Show

Dazzler is a mutant with the ability to convert sound into light effects and energy beams and was designed by a committee as a cross-promotion between Casablanca Records and Marvel Comics.

Not joking, an actual committee — perhaps the first ever “story group” — headed up by writer/editor Tom DeFalco and illustrator John Romita Jr. made her.

Tigra was introduced as a non-powered private investigator who was mutated into a cat-like humanoid with superhuman speed, agility, strength and senses. 

Did I mention she’s a “sexy cat-like humanoid”?

The official tagline:

Two woke Super Heroes and best friends, Tigra and Dazzler, fight for recognition among powered people who make up the eight million stories in Los Angeles.

That’s right. Marvel unironically used the word “woke” in an official press release.

Chelsea Handler will be writing this series.

I know this seems like a parody post about soapbox-hero comic books from 2015 but I’m not making these names up. Patton and Chelsea are really doing this.

Marvel’s Hit-Monkey

I’ve never heard of Hit-Monkey but according to Wikipedia, he was just a normal average snow monkey until an assassin, on the run from his assassin buddies he betrayed, come to hide out with the snow monkeys.

The assassin uses the snow monkeys as training dummies and one monkey learned the assassin’s shooting and fighting skills. Then the assassin’s buddies show up and kill all the monkeys — except our hero, Hit-Monkey.

Hit-Monkey actually sounds kind of cool:

The tale of a wronged Japanese snow monkey, mentored by the ghost of an American assassin, as he cuts a wide swath through the Tokyo underworld in this darkly cinematic and brutally funny revenge saga. 

Josh Gordon and Will Speck, the writer-director team behind Blades Of Glory are penning and executive producing.

Marvel’s Howard The Duck

We all know this guy. 

Howard The Duck, a walking, talking duck who wears a suit, was abducted from his home planet of Duckworld and dropped on earth by the demon-lord Thog the Nether-Spawn, Overmaster of Sominus the Dark Domain. 

Yep, demon-lord Thog. You see where this is going.

From the official synopsis:

Trapped in a world he never made, America’s favorite fighting fowl Howard the Duck hopes to return home with the help of his unstoppable gal pal Beverly before the evil Dr. Bong can turn him the crispiest dish on the menu.

Kevin Smith will write and produce.

Could be fun. As long as they give Howard a sword.

Hold Fast! There Are Additional Revelations!

Apparently, these four series are going to crossover in a fifth series called The Offenders.

Head of Marvel Television and executive producer Jeph Loeb is very excited about this:

“A giant head. A monkey. A tiger lady and a disco queen. And the duck. Brought together because no one else could but Marvel Television on Hulu. M.O.D.O.K., Hit Monkey, Tigra & Dazzler and Howard the Duck will form a team no one asked for — The Offenders (and wait until you see who the Team Leader is!)!”

Wew. Serenity now.