Box Office Poison To Direct & Star In Feature Film For Netflix

Our good friend George Clooney, who once proclaimed to nervous laughter that “There’s not going to be a President Trump”, will remain where he belongs, on the small screen.

Mr. Clooney, long on lectures about trendy causes but short on actual asses in seats, is slated to direct and star in an adaptation of the novel Good Morning, Midnight.

From the Amazon summary:

The unforgettable story of two outsiders—a lonely scientist in the Arctic and an astronaut trying to return to Earth—as they grapple with love, regret, and survival in a world transformed.

Further research reveals that the “world transformed” is some kind of apocalyptic event which leaves Clooney and whoever plays this astronaut as the last people on earth.

Even though two hours of Clooney talking into a radio sounds like something that should be banned under the Geneva Convention, the book itself was extremely well-received with the Washington Post describing it as “a beautifully written, sparse post-apocalyptic novel that explores memory, loss and identity.”

Jesus, I don’t know about you but anytime I heard a book described as “exploring” or “grappling with” anything my vag dries right up.

Safe to say this will be another in a long line of forgettable Netflix movies like that one with Jeffery Wright and the wolves. 

But Now That Your Here, Let Me Show You Something

We’ve all been wrong about George Clooney. I know it sounds crazy, I can’t believe I’m even writing this, but hear me out: the dude can actually make money at the box office. 

So, as you can see from the hard dollar value of these films, George has gotten something of a bad rap. He really is a guy who can carry a –

Oh, George.

What’s the lesson here? If you’re making a movie for over $25 million, let the other guy hire Mr. Clooney.