If there is one thing we have all seen with the current pandemic, it’s that even our most beloved celebrities are susceptible to the coronavirus.
Tom Hanks, Idris Elba, Olga Kurylenko and half the NBA have come down with the sickness because — oh, my God — they’re just like us!
And also like us, all of Hollywood is stuck home because of work stoppages, so chances are you could run into them while hoarding toilet paper at Costco.
You may not be able to tell who they are though without all the makeup you’re used to seeing them in. So in order to help recognize them out in the wild, here is our handy-dandy guide to celebrities without the baby foreskin cream, without thousands of dollars of someone else’s hair, without bathing in the blood of virgins.
Sarah Jessica Parker
A lot of people online who like to bully celebrities often say that Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse.
They’re just a bunch of meanies, don’t you think?
No TP for them when the apocalypse hits.
Amanda Seyfried
Amanda started out as a teen actress in such hits like Mean Girls and Mama Mia! before moving onto more “mature” roles in films like Chloe and Lovelace.
Amanda is still very much recognizable without anything on her face.
One travel-sized hand sanitizer for her for showing true beauty exists within yourself.
Kate Hudson
After starring in one of the best movies of the millennium, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Kate proved herself as one of the greatest actresses of her generation. Now she also proves she doesn’t need makeup to look good.
Goblin approved! When the apocalypse hits, she gets an entire case of Lysol from us.
Hilary Duff
Homer wouldn’t need to drink too many Duffs to think Hilary looks good without makeup. No clown grease here to turn heads!
2 rolls of toilet paper for the newest Razzie Award winner.
Mila Kunis
Mila, though a stunner on the red carpet, doesn’t have to worry much about being recognized when doing a Taco Bell run.
Since we both claim the same country as our homeland, one prepackaged 24-hour MRE meal for Mila.
Milla Jovovich
Many readers know she has been in The Fifth Element and 100 Resident Evil movies. But did you also know that she and Mila Kunis both share Eastern European blood? Where else do you learn this stuff but at Film Goblin?
A 12 pack of powdered milk for being brave and stepping out barefaced for the cameras.
Maria Sharapova
Maria recently retired from tennis, but her forehand stroke could be deadly with the right weapon when we are all fighting each other to survive.
She needs to fire her stylist because she looks better without any makeup.
Goblin approved! An entire box of instant ramen for the Russian.
Sharon Stone
The former Oscar nominee has transitioned nicely into milfhood.
Though she’s not on the big screen that often anymore, she does pop up every now and then for a nice cameo such as in this past season’s The New Pope on HBO.
A six-pack of Dasani for Sharon.
Kirsten Dunst
Kiki, as she’s known to her friends, played Mary Jane in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy and also once recorded a remake of “Turning Japanese” for the Japanese market.
Don’t believe us?
Anyway, when you see this face clutching the last 10-pound salami at Sam’s Club you’ll now know who it is.
One hand-cranked flashlight for Kiki from us.
So there you have it
Just remember, that person you trample over for the last package of vegan soy sausage may have once had a 3-day opening weekend of $100 million.
