We must be in some kind of movie marketing deadzone right now. Maybe it’s August vacation season or something and everyone is at the beach.
I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been near the ocean since I had to bail my teenage son out of the Dare County, NC Jail in 2013 for possession of psilocybin.
He got probation. But you’re not so lucky: for the crime of clicking on this article, you are sentenced to watch these trailers.
What Men Want
In which Taraji P. Henson commits the cinematic crime of remaking a Mel Gibson movie from the 1990s.
What are the chances that The Daily Beast will use the phrase “toxic masculinity” in the title of articles for this movie?
Arizona
In which Danny McBride commits the cinematic crime of remaking a Dennis Leary movie from the 1990s.
No sarcasmo, David Alan Greer should be in more movies.
The Happytime Murders
In which Melisssa McCarthy commits the cinematic crime of remaking a Bob Hoskins movie from the 1980s, just with more sex and violence.
No milfo, Elizabeth Banks needs to take more Dumb Bitch roles.
Kin
In which Dennis Quaid commits the cinematic crime of appearing in a mashup of several flops from the 2010s (Earth To Echo, hello?).
I got nothing on this one. It’s just bad.
Climax
In which “visionary” director Some French Guy commits the cinematic crime of remaking every Larry Clark movie.
I went to the premiere party for Kids at Club Chaos; the black dude from the movie was the most popular guy there.
T-64
In which some Russians with ties to the Kremlin commit the cinematic crime of remaking a Brad Pitt movie from 2014.
Not sure how this will perform on the art house circuit because of the Russia connection… but then again they are punching Nazis with 85mm shells so it’s probably a wash.
