I actually fell asleep in X-Men: Dark Phoenix.

It’s quite literally the most horrific piece of shit comic-book movie I’ve ever seen. As a cure for insomnia, it’s fantastic.

There are no redeeming qualities aside from the always good James McAvoy and the Quicksilver dude. Michael Fassbender comes off as quite bored to be further degrading his once-promising career. Here’s a guy that just a few years ago was a shoo-in as the next Bond.

Coulda been great, too. Now he’s one step away from obscurity. Too bad, I would have liked to see his Bond.

Bond, James. Fucked that one up, didn’t you?

Everyone else is a block of fucking wood.

Sansa Stark is just awful. If we’re supposed to feel any empathy for her, we don’t. She comes across as a cold-blooded, selfish, Millennial asshole — a fucking bland one at that — in portraying the titular character.

Flashbacks to her as a cute little innocent girl doesn’t stop you in your tracks to feel for her because Sophie Turner doesn’t have the ability to create empathy here. All the other young versions of the X-Men suck shit. Zero charisma, zero emotion, zero shits given.

Yaaaaaaawn

There’s also way too many smurf blue X-Men. This movie is decidedly racist toward non-blues.

Collecting a check for more lackluster work

The villains suck ass. Jessica Chastain is playing some sort of creepy, Euro Perfume ad character. She’s laughably shitty.

Eau De Turd sandwich by Dior

Honestly, I couldn’t tell you what the point of this film is, or more accurately I’m not invested enough to give a fuck. X-Men: Dark Phoenix sucks ass.

A Quicksilver movie would have been way better or more of James McAvoy playing The Horde.

Woulda liked to have seen a solo movie, anything would have been better than this fuckstorm

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace was infinitely better. This movie is the Springtime For Hitler of Superhero films. Maybe Fox tanked it on purpose to handover a poison pill to Disney. Wish I could say the move to MCU will be better for the X-Men but with the “Woke” direction MCU seems to be heading I don’t have a lot of faith. 

This pile of dog shit movie gets negative ten stars and it fucking sucks!

-10/10

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