A couple of weeks ago we were told that Solo: A Star Wars Story was going to have a huge $175 million opening.

By four different publications. Within a few minutes of each other.

It seemed like a coordinated PR campaign so we called poppycock.

Then this happened:

Pack it in, guys. It’s setting records. It’s going to be bigger than Black Panther.

Not so fast.

Star Wars Fans Are Fanatics

Some of the people still left larping as “Star Wars Fan” are wackadoo. These are not just fans of movies or comics or sci-fi or fantasy. They are fans of STAR WARS and it is their life.

They do things like this:

Yeah, that’s for The Force Awakens. Let’s try to forget what they were doing for The Phantom Menace:

Fung! Sorry, that was for The Last Jedi.

I know, I know… “It’s an event. It’s about the people.” Sure, I believe you:

You can’t get into any trouble if you stay inside and watch Star Wars every day.

You Get The Point

But in case you haven’t:

 

There is no fan base as insane about a franchise as Star Wars Fan. Not Lord Of The Rings. Not Harry Potter. Not Twilight. Not Marvel. None of them can compare.

So let’s agree on this shall we: Some Star Wars fans are fooking crazy.

And…

They Have To Be First

I know you are asking “What does this have to do with Fandango?” Bear with me here…

Being the fanatic that he is, Star Wars Fan has to be the first to see the next Star Wars movie. This is part of the Jedi discipline.

Just look at the Friday and Saturday box office take for Star Wars movies versus any other franchise. Oh, you haven’t?  I guess I have to do everything:

Look at the Saturday drops. At least 35% higher for Star Wars than for any MCU movie.

Even the most anticipated movie in the Marvel franchise — Avengers: Infinity War — isn’t even close.

And this goes for all other franchises as well.

So, let’s agree on something else: Crazy Star Wars Fan has to be first to see the movie.

And it’s not a huge jump to then surmise that crazy Star Wars Fan also has to be first to get a ticket for the movie that she has to see first.

Now the Fandango news about the volume of ticket sales in 24 hours seems meaningless in the face of such reckless fandom.

Do You Have Any Hard Data?

I have this:

Alamo Drafthouse 5/24 19:00 (grey denotes a sold seat)

Not really a sell-out.

I know, i know, Star Wars Fan: “Alamo Drafthouse sucks! They don’t even have IMAX! Or 3D! Real Star Wars fans would never see Solo there!”

Regal Cinemas 5/24 IMAX 19:30PM

And before you say “Not everyone is going to want to go to the first showing!” I wish to present you with a gift — these two dozen screen caps:

With the exception of the 7:30PM Thursday show, Regal Cinemas in my small college town has sold zero tickets for Solo: A Star Wars Story.

Put that girlfriend down! Girlfriends are for Marvel fans only.

But… But… But…

My last piece of evidence is the absence of evidence.

If Solo is pre-selling so well then where are stories, like this one written about Infinity War, that talk about total volume?

Notice it’s not about the first 24 hours. It’s about total number of tickets sold weeks after the tickets went on sale.

So let’s agree on this: Crazy Star Wars Fan bought a bunch of tickets in the first 24 hours.

That’s your headline. And it means nothing.

As we said in February, this movie is going to be the headshot on the Star Wars franchise as realized by Kathleen Kennedy. And it will be a mercy killing.

Low Dog was a great Lakota Sioux war chief who once slew 13 soldiers in hand-to-hand combat in a single battle. In the tradition of the Apache helicopter and the Washington Redskins, his spirit has returned to terrify his enemies. May he be so fortunate to slay as many shills in this lifetime as he slew soldiers in that one afternoon.