Francisus Forde Coppolax, Farmer of the Vineyards of the North, General of the Pasta Bowl Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Georgus Lucas, father to an ugly daughter, uncle to an insane nephew, had joined fellow Roman general Martini Scorsesi in artistic rebellion against the Holy Marvel Empire.

Earlier this month, Scorsese described the superhero movies of the MCU as essentially well-made “theme park” rides.

But that wasn’t far enough for Coppola, who began his attack with this naphtha:

“When Martin Scorsese says that the Marvel pictures are not cinema, he’s right because we expect to learn something from cinema, we expect to gain something, some enlightenment, some knowledge, some inspiration.”


I’ve always said that movies can entertain, educate, enlighten and inspire.

Yes, it did educate us about Romans worshipping their ancestors and not “gods”. You didn’t know that.

Not many movies are going to achieve all of these and most won’t even achieve three out of four, but a movie should at least do two of these things.

Are you inspired by Marvel movies? Did you gain some new knowledge? How have they changed your view of yourself or the world?

Sure, Captain America catching Thor’s hammer does give one a small tingle of joy but this is dampened by the intrusive meta-narrative: this all is a “grand design” deliberated mapped out and calculated to maximize profit by the worst people in history.

“Think of the achievement,” We always say!

But how can you truly enjoy a great meal in a restaurant if you know everything about not only the preparation of the food but the backgrounds and opinions of the chefs, the origins and life of the animal, how the fucking silverware was manufactured?

Especially if we know it’s all a cynical manipulation — that we’re just marks!

“No, you can’t see my Steam account. Fucking misogynist.”

This is why they don’t stick with us. 

When the movies are over, none of us think about them as we do other movies, even fantasy movies like Indiana Jones and Star Wars.

At least I don’t think about them.

And Coppola was just getting warmed up:

“I don’t know that anyone gets anything out of seeing the same movie over and over again.”

I Know A Few Guys

In fact, I know a whole lot of people who will.

Just so you can see the artifacts of your childhood up on a big screen being approved of by the very same people who mocked you for enjoying them a mere ten years ago.

“OMG, I fucking love science comics!”

Isn’t this the knock on a lot of the MCU, especially the origin movies?

Aren’t Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Ant-Man basically the same story?

Furthermore, doesn’t the audience — especially we ManFans™, with our lust for spoilers and leaks— already know what to expect from all of the MCU movies after seeing two or three of them?

We have to admit that these things are not the artistic expression of one man or a team of people, they are the industrialized product of a cinematic sausage factory.

Because of this, they will never be anything but entertainment and, unfortunately, soon to be “education” and “inspiration” in the most divisive ways possible.

This is your mommy now, fansoy.

Finally, Francis went full-Bunny and did the whole fucking village:

“Martin was kind when he said it’s not cinema. He didn’t say it’s despicable, which I just say it is.”

You Have To Respect It

He doesn’t give a fuck about our childhood admiration of Captain America or how the MCU is good for kids, maaaaaaaaaan.

But that is only half of what both Scorsese and Coppola must do.

It’s not enough to tear down these false idols and fake heroes, they must replace them. Or at the very least, help create systems and roadmaps that others can follow to achieve that pinnacle of artistic expression that can only be achieved through the medium of film.

Share all your secrets. Sponsor new writers, directors and films. Create festivals devoted to serious, dramatic filmmaking and not current-year, trendy social bullshit.

Do something other than just rant to media thirsty for conflict clicks.

Otherwise, to most people, you just sound like bitter old guys.

Donate to Film Goblin, you fat fuck