E3, the Electronics Entertainment Expo happened for the 24th year in a row and as a complete nerd I watched it all. Interviews, trailers, live shows, and prerecorded ones. Not everyone has the time to spend three days watching people faff on about “innovations” that will likely be fools gold and promises soon to be broken.

If you’re interested I’ll give you the rundown. The E3 highlights of the major shows and some of the games with some promise.

EA

EA spent most of their time on stage lying about how much they care about customers and how they won’t be implementing predatory lootboxes anymore. Instead they decided to call lootboxes “airlifts” and thought nobody would notice.

EA isn’t known for moral business practices and is currently attacking gamers as “sexists” for not readily accepting the historical accuracy of one armed women with baseball bats being frontline infantrymen in WWII. They highlighted their insultingly anachronistic FPS Battlefield V.

They showcased the admittedly beautiful Anthem. It’s beauty only marred by being an always online game that requires a steady internet connection and EA’s own servers to be functional to play.

Tony Stark has a lawsuit pending.

Microsoft

I was genuinely surprised that Microsoft knocked their show out of the park. With 2018 being one of the weakest years for their flagship console the X-Box One. With only two noteworthy exclusives (Sea of Thieves and State of Decay 2) which are both shallow experiences.

Microsoft showed off a whopping 50 games, some of them exclusives, and a few brand new reveals. This will hopefully give new life to a flagging console before it’s replaced by the next generation.

Microsoft teased X-Box One console exclusives Halo Infinite, Gears of War 5, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, and Crackdown 3… again. Crackdown 3 was first announced in 2014 and has been delayed every time it gets near a release.

The biggest reveal by far was the much anticipated Cyberpunk 2077 which while not an exclusive was a significant feather for Microsoft’s cap to reveal.

The most unusual game to be teased by far is Battletoads. Battletoads reached meme status years ago when people thought started calling Gamestop to ask them if they had a copy.

I can’t imagine Gamestop employees are happy right now.

They didn’t stop there as they showed off dozens of games. A few I feel worth mentioning are Metro:Exodus, Sekiro:Shadows Die Twice, and Devil May Cry V.

Dante is back baby! And… old.

Square Enix

Square Enix didn’t have any big surprises, but showed off gameplay for several upcoming games. Shadow of the Tomb Raider, Dragon Quest XI, Just Cause 4, and Kingdom Hearts 3.

Nier: Automata is getting a release for the X-Box One. It was an amazing game on the Playstation 4 and I’m glad more people will get a chance to play it.

Goth android gf 2B is only one reason you should play Nier Automata

Babylon’s Fall was quickly teased. It looks like an action game with developer Platinum Games. A real hit or miss development studio that has put out some amazing games and some terrible flops. Let’s hope for another hit.

Ubisoft

Ubisoft has developed an unfortunate reputation over the last E3s. They show off amazing games that don’t end up being nearly as good looking as their trailers. They stole the show with both Watchdogs and The Division, only to have both games be downgraded in every possible way.

This year they showed off visually stunning Beyond Good and Evil 2, though the character designs and the social justice vibes make me wary.

Ask me about my pronouns.

The Division 2, the sequel to the overhyped lie that broke my gamer heart got some great looking gameplay. Sadly it will be an online only affair which pretty much guarantees I won’t buy it. Skull & Bones was featured again as the late arriving competitive multiplayer piracy game.

Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey had gameplay featured and changed up the format a little by allowing for dialogue options and the ability to romance historical figures. You can play as a male or female Spartan, but they play the same and their stories are the same.

Bethesda

Todd Howard shows that he is aware that he is a living meme with good humored self deprecation and making fun of Skyrim being ported to everything. By literally porting Skyrim to the Amazon Alexa while hanging a lampshade.

The biggest announcement was for Fallout 76 which will be an online only Fallout experience where the NPCs will all be played by other players. They can also gain access to nuclear codes. The game sounds like an unethical social experiment like Vault-tec themselves might try.

The Bethesda conference was finished with a quick tease for Starfield and Elder Scrolls VI. Neither have much more than speculation as to what they will be about but they both were received with fanfare. However the only game that truly caught my eye was Rage 2. The first Rage was a great first half of a game, but the absurdly abrupt ending got the game mixed reviews.

Rage 2 tries to bring some color back to the apocalypse.

Sony

Sony started their conference in a creepy church to show a lesbian makeout scene and some gameplay for The Last of Us 2 that looks too good to be real. Hopefully it is real because The Last of Us was the best game I played on the PS3 and maybe Naughty Dog can get a second homerun.

Last of Us 2 tries to bring some lesbians back to the apocalypse.

Ghost of Tsushima got a gameplay reveal and an an excellent musical accompaniment that I’m sure SJWs will call “cultural appropriation” as a white guy played a Japanese musical instrument.

Resident Evil 2 is getting a remake as we return to the bottomless well that is Raccoon City. There was gameplay for Hideo Kojima’s Death Stranding that really explained nothing and somehow left most people even more confused about what the game is about.

You got it dude!

Finally the Spider-Man exclusive for the PS4 got gameplay shown and revealed five members of the new Sinister Six. Mister Negative, Vulture, Electro, Scorpion, and Rhino. With the sixth member just off screen to tease the audience. Can you guess who it’ll be?

Nintendo Direct

Nintendo was a little lackluster but they don’t seem to be competing with the other big names. Their brand seems bulletproof. They announced Pokemon Let’s Go Pikachu! and Pokemon Let’s Go Eevee! the first Pokemon games for a home console. I was disappointed that the game seems connected to Pokemon Go, you no longer have wild pokemon battles, and if you want Mew you have to buy a special controller.

At least the game looks pretty.

A new Super Mario Party is here to ruin friendships and end lifelong relationships. A trailer shows people having fun while playing it instead of the real misery that this “game” causes. There was another party game that looks like a friendship ruiner there too called Overcooked 2.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses seems to offer the same gameplay from the recent 3DS Fire Emblem games but with fantastic visuals to accompany the strategy and story.

Finally Nintendo offered up Super Smash Brothers Ultimate which has every character that has been featured in a Smash game beforehand. Even characters that were only featured once or were DLC in previous games. So a huge lineup before adding any new characters.

 

A fan of B-movies, comic books, video games, and anime. I have no real expertise and all of my opinions should be regarded as deeply uninformed. I lived through religious right wingers going after Dungeons & Dragons, and now SJWs infesting comic books and gaming. Hopefully one day moral authoritarians will stop touching our things. I want to share geeky things with everyone, but don't like bullies coming in.