Welcome to another riveting episode of Goblin Hardstyle where I hope to bring some real world practical tips for surfing through this often wonderful, often challenging, thing called life.

Last week we discussed fighting tips for geeks, this week we will take a different track and discuss utilizing diplomacy in life.

So what do I mean by utilizing diplomacy in life? Well, simply put it’s the art of negotiating and utilizing one’s natural charisma, wits and charm to achieve life’s goals.

The greatest, most charismatic negotiator in the history of geekdom

These goals can include negotiating a better deal for a car or mortgage, or in wooing a girl or a friend or an enemy, or hammering out an important business deal or your own corporate compensation. Get the idea? All of life is diplomacy.

In life, one must have goals.

Everyone has them to one extent or another. If you don’t you are decidedly lower food chain and have no one to blame but yourself: not 1%ers, not Illuminati, not immigrants, not women, not the Jews, not the White Man nor any other ridiculous scapegoat group.

Scummy Commie losers content to be scummy losers blaming the go-getters for their shitty lives

Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? And I don’t just mean physically.

Have you achieved the life you want? Do you have a woman who loves you and you love back? Do you make the kind of money you want? Do you know how to get most of what you want out of life?

The honest answer is probably tilting toward no and if not that’s wonderful, I admire you.

But, we all have room for personal improvement. Diplomacy, in particular, is an art that can constantly change regardless of one’s personal charm, grey matter and speaking ability. It’s like a chessboard that constantly morphs like an Inception landscape.

It takes skillful navigation, force of will and being able to change course on a dime as well as the aforementioned attributes.

Navigating life

1. Flow Like Water

Bruce Lee said, “Be like water”. Just read below, I think it explains itself. The message is simple. Be flexible, be able to change course in your journey or your negotiation. The map changes, individual and group needs change, people change, you will change. Adapt and flow.

Be flexible, get it?

2. Keep Sight Of Your Ultimate Goals

Absolutely none of your preparations matter a damn if you lose track of what it is you are trying to achieve. It’s easy to get lost in negotiations and love and as easy to develop Stockholm syndrome with those people you become intimately involved with in negotiations.

Empathy is good, it lets you understand your opponent’s motivations. Being a pansy-ass fucking pussy pushover is bad. Remember, in diplomacy and negotiation, you always want the person you are working with to feel satisfied as well. Diplomacy should always be win-win.

That leads to lifelong happy associations and friendships, be it in business, in personal material gain and of course in love. But unless you are speaking of love, it’s your goals that must be attained first and fully.

Don’t be a fucking pussy. Guys like me will eat you fucking alive and wash you down with a bottle of 18 yr old single malt.

Both parties can always win but don’t lose sight of your goals in the journey

3. Don’t Get Rattled

Ever get a date canceled a couple hours you were supposed to meet? Or a business meeting canceled that you’ve prepared weeks for? Or your contract negotiation gets postponed, or have the team call a final timeout just before you are ready to kick the game winning field goal?

These are psychological tactics to rattle you. Unless your date really can’t stand you. If she does like you she’s likely to test you, to see if you will hang in to see if you think she’s worth the wait.

Don’t be rattled, find balance, be cool, focus, envision your goal, take a deep breath and renew your strategy. Your opponents’ attempts to rattle you should be seen as a blessing.

It gives you more time to focus, to make sure your eyes are dotted and ultimately to strike.

Be like Burt, stay cool

4. Always Make Eye Contact

Nothing drives me more nuts amongst the many things the justifiably drive me nuts about millennials than the fact that they stare at their fucking shoes when they talk to you. Or their phones. An entire generation of people brought to think it’s socially acceptable not to make eye contact.

Guess what? I, nor many CEOs I know, would hire such socially awkward people in a million fucking years.

Unless you feel Cricket wireless salesman or Starbucks barista is your dream job you better work on eye contact if you want a career, the woman of your dreams, upward mobility, etc. I can tell you as an Alpha male I will fucking destroy you in negotiations if you can’t look me nor my peers in the eye, and how can you compliment that special girl on her lovely eyes, that shimmer like pools of stardust, and mean it if you are staring at your shoes.

Eye contact, get it?… Good!

4. Be Congenial And Charming

Smile, be nice. Be polite. No woman, no opponent in business wants to be with a surly dickbag. Some women may like the bad boy but they like a bad boy with warmth and charm.

There’s a time and place in negotiating to lose the smile and drop the hammer. Remember carrot and the stick, start with the carrot, keep the stick in your pocket. Think Burt or Shatner or the Rock. All three had charm and charisma off the scale, all three could charm any woman into their arms, successfully negotiate the fate of the galaxy, close the most lucrative deals, save the day.

All three start with the awesome warmth of a smile.

Burt charm

5. Think

Always think, always think on your feet, think ten moves ahead with as many contingencies built in. Remember the morphing chessboard? Be ready to flow like water and be flexible.

Geek culture is often the smartest group I’ve known but seldom the street smartest. You have to incorporate both to achieve success.

6. Be Bold

I understand wooing the girl of your dreams, or negotiations for your personal compensation package, or a car, or making friends or navigating life, in general, can be intimidating.

Guess what? Boo-fucking-Hoo. No one cares.

No one rewards wallflowers. Think Zuckerberg, Jobs and Gates were just shy geeks like us? Think again, love of Star Trek and tech Maybe the only things many in the geek community have in common with them. They’re all/ were Alpha sharks. They’d carpet bomb a village if it meant getting what they want and they all loved power. They are and were all Bold men. Cut from the same cloth as Patton, Michael Jordan, Tiger, Rommel, Reagan.

No one likes a fucking pussy despite what the media likes to portray sorry guys that’s fucking geekwank fiction. Women appreciate bold men, the risk-takers. Business appreciates bold me. Warfare appreciates bold men, politics appreciate bold men, friends appreciate bold men. Get the point?

Be bold, be daring, take risks, be the hero. Let the pussies dream as they wash your brand new BMW.

Risk is our business

7. Listen

Another thing that pisses me off about the current generation is that they love to talk in that monotone, unisex, culturally-millennial voice. And man do they love the sound of their own voice.

What they don’t love is listening. How the fuck will you ever know what barriers there are – to your ultimate goals if you don’t shut the fuck up, take a deep breath and truly listen to the person sitting across the table? How well do you know what that special girl’s interests are, her likes and dislikes?

Shut the fuck up.

Focus. Listen. You will likely be presented with a map to navigate obstacles and get what you want.

Shut it and listen

8. Be Patient

Patience means power

Earlier I spoke a bit about my car. Patience may have been the most important tenant in my negotiations with the dealership. It is not braggadocio, well maybe a little bit, it is one of the nicest Hypercars in the world. However, this negotiation could very well be applied to any car, house, contract, work, romance, etc.

Car dealers think they are the worlds best negotiators. Guess what? More often than not they are. Because people aren’t patient. People aren’t often natural negotiators not do they bother to take the few steps we’ve discussed to help them along the path to becoming better.

Car dealers ALL STUDY PSYCHOLOGY and utilize psychological tactics in sales. Guess what I study psychology too and I’m a lot smarter.  In my case all the typical dealership psychological tactics were utilized. They put me in the room, left me without water for 5 min, while they “spoke to their GM”. I got up and walked out after 5 and a half minutes and told them to call me when they wished to sit down and have an adult conversation.

You see putting someone in a sterile room, alone and without water or food is a classic psychological interrogation tactic. It’s meant to both break someone’s barriers and also CONTROL the dialogue. The negotiation doesn’t start until they come back, they set the parameters. They are daddy and mommy and you are the little kid waiting in the cubicle.

Walk the fuck out! You set the parameters of the negotiation, whether for a car or in business. If they want your money, and they all do and you are smarter and patient, you can set the parameters. My next negotiations went my way, I controlled the meeting. I led the discussion and I paid a decent chunk under invoice.

Patience is also of utmost importance in romance. The good ones are worth the wait and will respect you all the more for that.

This is so easy and if more people had patience and some balls they’d be getting further ahead in business, in negotiation, in love, in life.


Follow these tips and you can win this game of chess we call life

And there you go: 8 simple steps to help you achieve your life’s goals, even for wallflowers.

We taught you to use your fists now we want to teach you to use your wits.

Remember, you’re part of a family here. We love you and we’re here to help. You are stronger than you know.