The title role in the upcoming GI Joe spinoff Snake Eyes movie from Paramount Pictures is 99.99% going to this nondescript but definitely multicultural fellow:

Image result for Henry Golding

The Hollywood Reporter is confirming Henry Golding’s casting in the headline while claiming in the body of the article that the actor is still negotiating with the studio.

Absent any wrongthink tweets or #mesue™ allegations, I’m going to assume this is in the bag and that we have our Snake Eyes.

So let’s get a more appropriate picture of him:

That’s more like it.

You might recognize Mr. Golding from Crazy Rich Asians or the trailer for Last Christmas. He will also be appearing in an early 2020 Guy Ritchie action release called The Gentlemen. Besides a minor role in a Malaysian film in 2009, Crazy Rich Asians was his first movie, having landed the part through a global casting call.

The guy’s a comer.

Since Snake Eyes’ background, including his real name, place of birth and service number, have remained Classified throughout all depictions across all media, this casting is completely appropriate and not at all yellow-washing.

The only thing we know about Snake Eyes is that he is an American and in America diversity is our strength! Go Joe!

Actually, It Is Yellow-Washing

Yes, although it’s true that Snake Eyes’ real name and place of birth is Classified, we know exactly what he looks like in the comic book, which is the original source material:

Come on Paramount, the guy is practically an Aryan Quasimodo! I suppose since the character’s face is covered up all the time it doesn’t really matter to the general audience or even casual fans like myself. I’m fine with Golding but seriously Hollywood, you just stole another one from us!

This Guy’s Gonna Wear A Mask?

Some people might question why such a handsome man at the beginning of a red hot career would agree to play the role of Snake Eyes, a character who always wears a mask because he is terribly disfigured.

What those people don’t know is that — according to canon — Snake Eyes suffered his injuries in a helicopter accident on one of his first missions for the Joe Team. So Golding could be both in and out of the mask, both with and without those terrible scars.

Then again, when Ray Parks played Snake Eyes in the two excretable GI Joe movies they changed his damaged vocal cords to a vow of silence. Canon only carries weight with these people when they attempt to shove something down your throat that might be hard to swallow.

As I said before, I really hope they nail this movie. GI Joe was a huge part of the fantasy lives of a lot of kids that grew up in the 1980s and Snake Eyes was far-and-away the most badass hero in the franchise.

This casting looks great to me and I hope they give us an origin story that includes the helicopter wreck or some kind of accident that leads to the baklava. 

After all, no one knew who Snake Eyes was until he put on the mask. 

The movie was supposed to drop in March 2020 but was recently pushed back to October 16, 2020. This will give them plenty of time to find a good supporting cast and film a bunch of awesome action scenes using practical sets and effects before they try to muck it all up with shitty CGI and endless reshoots.

Did I use “hope” twice in an article?