We all know the cliche: Stormtroopers couldn’t hit the ground with a can of paint.
Is that really the truth?
Definition of Terms
A Stormtrooper, in this case, will be limited to the Original Trilogy versions. Therefore we will not include the Stormtroopers in the New Trilogy as I believe they are not really a part of the Empire and in reality, writers may be influenced by the cliche rather than an organic outgrowth of the movie.
This does mean Rogue One and Solo are fair game as a source but Disney can eat my ass so they’re out. We still have the cliche influence in those but they are definitely set in the correct time period. We could also use Rebels but I don’t wanna.
I will also not include Clonetroopers as they are just that: Clonetroopers. Stormtroopers were no longer clones.
Evidence
Weapons
Let’s look at the main weapon of the SW universe, the blaster. Are these a basically accurate weapon in general? I don’t think so. For instance, Han wasn’t exactly hitting accurately when the Stormtroopers tried to “Stop That Ship!”
Basically, he just shot the wall, which exploded all over the troops. Seems like it’s easier. And let’s not forget how you can miss at point-blank range because the blaster sucks so bad.
I mean, was this Greedo’s fault or does the gun completely suck?
I submit this as evidence that it sucks. And how can he be possibly expected to aim properly with fingers like that? They have suction cups on the end! It’s like trying to fire a gun with your fingers wrapped in 16 inch long noodles. Let’s give the guy a break.
Skills
In Star Wars (I’ll be in the cold, cold ground before I call it A New Hope!) we are told by a former Jedi Knight that only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise. Are we to believe that just because Obi-Wan watched his best friend kill children, lost everything he ever had and decided to live in a desert in the same clothes for 20 years that suddenly he’s not competent anymore? If you can’t trust someone who creepily watched a kid from afar for twenty years, I say WHO CAN YOU TRUST THEN?
We also saw how messed up that Sandcrawler was and more importantly how well and thoroughly they turned Beru and Owen into kindling.
Remember, they did that in the desert, in those very hot and hard to see in helmets, as Luke told us later how hard it was to see in those helmets.
But let’s look at some moments in the OT.
Leia and R2 Get Hit
Yeah, that’s right. In the middle of a firefight with mutant teddy bears attempting to eat your eyes and a chaotic jungle, this trooper gets a shot right in the arm. All rumors that Han paid him so he could cop a feel of Leia’s breast are totally unfounded.
Let’s also not forget they took out R2D2 while under fire from the Rebels.
Hoth
Clearly, Stormtroopers were wiping out rebels left and right. They got away but it wasn’t pretty. Now there is scant handgun evidence but certainly you can see the AT-ATs doing plenty of damage. They had to aim those, didn’t they? And they pilots are part of the general Stormtrooper hierarchy, aren’t they?
Mic sufficiently dropped.
Tantive IV
How about when they came out of the doorway from hell like skeletons heralding the coming of death himself, Darth Vader? Seems like a like of dead rebels in that corridor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3PP7Y_IA50
And yet they manage to kill all these rebels and miss 3P0 and R2. Why waste good resources? Well done, soldiers.
Bad Aim Reasons
In Star Wars, they were setting our heroes up. The Empire wanted them to escape and lead them to the rebels. So even though it should’ve been over in the chasm cause they had the high ground, they missed and even bravely sacrificed themselves to make it look good.
Their mighty Wilhelm War cry ringing through the Death Star was remembered by their brothers in arms and continually rang out in battles afterward as whenever one died. While this battle cry started with the Naboo soldiers, it was made so meaningful by their brave sacrifice on that day.
Remember these brave souls. Even the gangsters of the galaxy use this cry.
I think we understand now that this myth is just that: A myth. These guys were to be feared throughout the Empire for a reason. Let’s not disrespect these guys.
