If you’re like me and you’ve been traversing the nuclear wasteland of TV for new content and been sorely disappointed in the selections aside from the few gems like Chernobyl — which came and went too soon — I may have found something to scratch your itch.

Don’t know for sure just yet but 4 episodes in and I’m digging it. The Paramount Network’s Yellowstone.

Rip Wheeler, A man doing what men do. Shocking, I know.

I loved The Godfather. It may be the greatest movie of all time and is certainly in my top three.

Now bear with me here, because I also liked the TV show Dallas when I was a kid. At least the first few seasons of it. I loved J.R. And wanted to be him when I grew up. I actually came pretty close.

Years later I grasped the obvious when I was trying to put a finger on why I loved Dallas: it was a retelling of The Godfather set during the beginning of the Reagan era with Texas Ranchers and Oil Barons instead of the Italian Crime Families of 1940s New York.

It also worked because it had iconic TV Star Larry Hagman schooling the world on what iconic charisma means. Obviously, it wasn’t high art like The Godfather but it was compelling and raw and it worked.

Yellowstone is another spin on The Godfather formula with ample Dallas overtones tossed in and some Deadwood to boot. This time, it’s the story of cattle rancher baron John Dutton, played by Kevin Costner, who owns a ranch the size of Rhode Island.

Dutton has his own private cowboy military force, who brands his cowboys as a sign of property as if branding cattle, and who uses his hot whorebag daughter to seduce politicians and enemies.

Yet, he has a heart, loves his family, loves the American way and he will Hardstyle fuck up anyone who tries to fuck with either. He’s like Jock Ewing spliced with Don Vito Corleone and well, Kevin Costner.  

Kevin Costner. Western. Sold.

The show is brutal, it’s visceral, it’s often funny and so far it’s entertaining as fuck. There are gunfights, fistfights, fucking, murder and then there’s beautiful untouched American landscape.

The show is immensely pleasing in that it is decidedly not politically correct. The Native Americans on the show are not put on a pedestal. The main villain is the tribal chief/casino boss. He’s a greedy calculating prick who loves to use his native status to steal, cheat, lie and be a fucking scumbag.

The acting is generally superb. Kelly Reilly is also terrific as is the ensemble cast of cowboys. It’s not perfect, it can be a little soapy at times but liberals hate the show and that automatically makes it worth a try.

Batshit crazy and sexy as hell

It also may have the coolest man’s man character in the history of modern television. Rip Wheeler played by Cole Hauser.

Rip’s greatness must be witnessed, for to describe his manliness would be like trying to describe the beauty of the Sistine Chapel. He cannot be beaten in a fist or gunfight. He always gets the girl; in this case, Kevin Costner’s whore daughter played by gorgeous Kelly Reilly. And he likes to fuck up bullies.

Trust me even if you don’t dig the show you will like this character. Cole Hauser deserves an award.

His stare could skullfuck you

The show is filmed beautifully as well. The Montana vistas are stunning and should make you proud to be an American. With the visual touches, the gently blowing prairie grass I could have sworn Costner himself shot it but he didn’t. The cinematography is jaw-dropping for a TV show. 

Look bottom line, it’s Kevin Costner, it’s a Western, I would have been there anyway but I’ve honestly been enjoying this show.

There is something appealing and fascinating about the ability to be men and to live the Old West right here and now, revolver strapped to your hip in our effeminate modern age.

Watch it for Costner as a cowboy, watch it for Hauser bringing manliness back to the small screen in a big way. Watch it for Reilly’s boobs. Pick a reason. Give it a try, there’s nothing else worth two fucks to watch anyway.

“I’m gonna fuck you then go shoot some shitheel in the face.”