Disclaimer: The following review is purely for satirical purposes. If you are easily offended, what the fuck are you doing here?
The Nintendo Entertainment System had a long history of poorly-made rush jobs based on popular film franchises. While I have strong nostalgic feelings for Jaws, I am under no impression that it is a good game, but that is another story for another day. No, this is the story of how I thought that the perfect storm of licensing and gaming could come together to form a revolutionary experience. To my knowledge, no other NES game is based on a pornographic film series, at least one focused on incest.
The Movie That Started It All
For those not in the know, Taboo is a 1980 pornographic film starring the busty and British Kay Parker as Barbara Scott. The film begins with her and her husband boning while she futilely messes with the lamp, because she doesn’t like to hump with the lights on. Tired of this quirk, her husband storms out of the house, leaving Barbara and her son, Paul, all alone. Hilarity ensues and eventually Barbara and Paul bone a couple of times. There’s an orgy in the movie and Paul also has a threesome with two of his high school girlfriends at some point, because that’s what everyone in high school did instead of masturbating sadly in the downstairs bathroom to an “Adam and Eve” catalog they found in the bus station men’s room.
The film has maintained a cult following and spawned twenty-two sequels. That may be on the low end for porno series, because I’m sure Bra Busters is up to Chapter 69 (heh heh… “69”). However, it speaks to the hidden desire for this type of entertainment. I’m more drawn to the series for Kay Parker’s glorious tits and bush, but am sure there are some who are more into this fantasy (just stay the fuck away from me).
Enter The Game
Seeing as Nintendo is always seen as the family-friendly system, I was surprised they would allow Rare to develop a game for their beloved NES based on a series of incest pornos. Taboo: The Sixth Sense appears to deviate from the storyline of the films, though, so I’m guessing it’s kind of a side story, like The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay.
At the startup screen, the player is welcomed by a jubilant wizard, surely a nod to the amount of wizard sleeve that is to come, right? Also, I just said “come.” Sadly, this is one of the more erotic parts of the game. From there, the player inputs his/her name, birthdate (probably to ensure you can handle all the hardcore action that’s set to come your way), and gender.
The next screen asks you to enter a question. I thought this might be considered a password screen, so jumped immediately into asking if I could fuck mom. From here a deck of cards is shuffled on an LSD-inspired screen, and ten are placed on the screen in an order that is not very sexy at all.
From that point, the cards are used to comment on the past, present and future implications of the question proposed. On my first playthrough, I received some less than boner-inducing statements.
The final outcome to my first question was “The Moon”, which I guess is fitting since Kay Parker walked into her movie son’s bedroom in the middle of the night the first time they banged. Other than that vague reference to the film, though, I’m barely higher than half-mast at this point.
Thinking I had to take a more general approach to the game, my next question focused more on the absence of bush in today’s porno scene, and whether it would make a triumphant return. From here I received some additional less-than-promising cards along the way.
However, the final outcome this time was the Tower card, which I connect to a fully-erect phallus, sadly this was not the case for mine. The image appears to show a tower collapsing, though, so whether it is from castration or de-bonerizing because it just emptied its sack all over some back-alley hooker remains to be seen. Maybe there are some things man is just not meant to know.
Apparently, there’s a way to get a card representing the lovers which shows a nude woman and some guy’s bare ass. Admittedly, that’s pretty hot, and back in the 80s, that probably would have been enough to get me through the week. Nowadays, I can’t cum unless blood is spilled.
Playing With Power
I had high hopes for the game, but like the movies after Kay Parker left the series, my question is why? She was the ultimate MILF before that term was in our vocabulary, so she was tailor-made for the role of the hot mom. Going further without her is just unnecessary.
As for the game, I’ve maintained fuller erections while playing Minecraft and making two giant mounds that sort of resembled boobs. I advise staying away from this game at all costs, unless watching cards get endlessly shuffled is your kink, then by all means enjoy!
A Look Into The Future
Oddly enough, after leaving the adult film industry, Kay Parker has become something of a metaphysical guru, even authoring a book, Taboo: Sacred, Don’t Touch. According to Wikipedia the book is “‘an Autobiographical Journey Spanning Six Thousand Years’ in which she wrote about her early childhood, her career in the adult industry, and her experiences with the metaphysical.”
It’s almost like this game was predicting the future…
For earlier erotic adventures in gaming CLICK HERE
